Friday, June 7, 2013

Three Things That Get my Shants in a Bunch

1. Bagpipes. They sound like a herd of cattle being slaughtered and there are a couple of maimed survivors within the group mourning the loss of their beloved bovine brethren.

2. Accordions. "Excuse me, but I'm trying to enjoy my meal here and have a somewhat intelligent conversation with my wife and/or friends, I would really appreciate it if you weren't standing over us squeezing that obnoxious block of air and looking at us like a lost puppy. Thanks." 

3. Tinted windows. This morning I was riding into work on a quiet residential street, heading downhill, when a "murdered out" Jeep appeared on the side street to my right. I slowed down as they started to go through the intersection before suddenly slamming on their brakes, giving me what I believed to be the go-ahead. As I was proceeding through said intersection, the driver, who I COULD NOT SEE AT ALL, honked at me. If I could have seen the person - for all I know it was a 9-year-old pygmy hermaphrodite wearing a clown suit - I would have been able to make eye contact and better assess the situation. This is SEATTLE, you know, that place where it's usually cloudy and/or raining and the winter days consist of about six hours of actual daylight. Why does ANYONE need tinted windows here? Are you in the Secret Service? A member of the mafia? No? Then do yourself and everyone else a favor and get windows that you can actually see through - that way you're not slamming on the brakes when I "suddenly come out of nowhere" as if I just magically appeared out of the blue like an unshaven apparition on two wheels.  


  1. Couldn't agree more about tinted windows D. Eye contact is a commuters' best tool on the road to avoid unpleasant outcomes with vehicles. They are also a fairly reliable indication of douchebaggery.

    You are all fucking wet on the bagpipes though! Bon Scott put that shit on the MAP way back in 1976!

    No hay tiempo que el presente

  2. Mateo - Touche! The ONLY time bagpipes are OK is during an AC/DC song. That's it...